What keeps me up at night

Inhumanity

What am I afraid of? I'm afraid that a small boy will stab a police officer in the eyes with a pair of scissors, and nothing will ever be the same.

Night. A demonstration, or a riot? Fire and fear, anger. It’s about food, about water, about hygienic conditions, about safety. It’s about desperation.

(On our own continent, North America, where These Things just don’t happen? People don’t riot in the streets for food. We have food banks and social assistance, don’t we?)

And yet, tonight, here are Women, Men and Children crowded together, a single beast howling for fairness, crying out in anguish for Lack.  Women, Men and Children, real and makeshift weapons brandished high, surging forward together:  a Force, a Wave,  rising to break against the Wall of Enforcement inevitably blocking its path.

Enforcement braces. Waits.

Wave smashes Wall! Spatters fly left and right, crowd crushing forward in a beautiful liquid flow, a choreographed dance of forward, full-stop, arch and FLY back. An inside-out waterfall, from above. A taste of hell from within.

Cracks, shots, screams, thuds, shouts, growls, roars; one tumultuous Roar of raw human violence. Teeth bared, the animals rise to their nature.  No spectacle in the Universe can match it (thanks be).

A grand human battle, as in days of old, when knights and villagers fought, quite literally, Tooth and Nail for their very survival. As in days of now, in countries far away where they can be safely ignored. And today, where we didn’t expect it and certainly don’t want it. Here. Somehow, it must be the fault of the Instigators. So Power whispers in our ears, as we witness from what we hope remains a safe distance.

In the end, of course, vicious Power must win by any means necessary, because anything less accepts defeat. Power cannot compute Defeat. Power is single-minded.

But what happens next?

Devon, nine, small for his age, hungry and ready to fight. Devon watches a big, ugly cop slam his Little-Tough-as-Nails-Mama with a club. Devon hears the crack of her skull and he sees the fluorescent glow of her spirit fly from her open mouth and dissipate into the night as her body slumps forward, bloody hair in her face.

Devon’s rage defies gravity. He flies through the air, latches his legs around that cop’s chest with the grip of a cobra. Scissors raised.

And what happens next?

What else could happen? Devon stabs the cop in the eyes. Again, and again. Power, that fairweather weasel, sees his Champion falter and just jumps ship; Devon’s gaping Hate beckons and Power lustily fills the void. Now the man’s high-pitched anguished screams pump Devon like energy. Now he wants to hurt, he wants to kill, he needs to take this life.

And next?

Hands, fists, boots, pain, pain, pain, pain, can’t breath, can’t see, can’t think, can’t move, can’t…

Eight cops beat Devon to death in the space of a minute. Eleven other cops see only their brethren gone wild on a child, and rush forward to stop it. Cop Brawl pulls in seven more officers before the crowd surrounds them. In under five minutes, reinforcements find twenty-six cops being torn to pieces by hundreds of people, regular people fighting each other for the privilege of giving their hate free expression. Nine of those cops are already dead.

And next, of course…

Someone opens fire.

Days and thousands dead before Power satisfies his immediate longings. Of course, he is never satisfied.

We know how to prevent it. We have the resources to prevent it. Finding the Will...I have my hopeful days and I have my days of dark visions and no faith that the amazing beauty of individual humans can ever be translated into the larger social systems.

Then again, 1,000 years is a long time. Never say never...right?

Nature

(taken in Markham, Ontario...or somewhere like that)

Corporations are job eliminators. But it’s not their fault.

Corporations make money by providing value to customers who pay them. There are three major ways to win a customer: sell it cheaper, make it better, treat them well.

Under the “sell it cheaper” category, there are three major ways to sell it cheaper: cheaper materials, cheaper value production, cheaper distribution.

Under the category of cheaper value production, labour often comprises the bulk of costs. The most effective business model would provide 100% of value with $0 spent on labour or overhead. In the real world, this ratio is one of the most important efficiency measures: labour dollars to produce one unit.

Thus, businesses constantly and rightly seek production efficiencies and technology that permits fewer jobs to produce more value. A good corporation owes value to its shareholders and must pursue the goal of “sell it cheaper” without compromising product quality or customer experience, so as not to jeopardize the other two ways of winning customers (make it better, treat them well).

“Why did you eat me?” asked the ghost mouse. "I pulled the thorn from your paw!"

The lion licked his booboo, yawning. “Because I am a lion,” he replied.

Corporations eliminate jobs, as fast as and wherever they can. It’s their nature. 

I am a Lion
(Toronto Zoo, 2011)

Nothing's Free

I've always found it funny - the "Free" "Market". Like parking on the "Drive" "Way".

I believe we could rebuild the free market economy by consciously mitigating efforts at externalizing costs. A free market may not be an effective arbiter of priorities, but disaster comes when costs are not allocated appropriately to their points of incursion. Under-valuing resources is only the beginning. Obfuscating cost allocations has become an industry unto itself.


Where all the theory and spreadsheet wrangling, outsourcing and downsizing, shaving and tightening, speculating and trading hit reality is in the lives of people.

We’ve created a stage rush. Pushing costs out and around, pushing, pushing, and it’s The People who get crushed between the throng and the hard, hard wall of the stage. Enjoy the show.

Nothing is created or destroyed, only changed. We can transform the numbers a thousand ways, but at some point, the costs come from somewhere. Someone pays. When we mine resources in Ontario to ship to China for transformation and shipment back to Canada through Singapore, and it costs less than manufacturing in Ontario, someone is lying about what it really costs, and who's paying.

I didn't need an MBA to tell me that, but it confirmed my suspicions.

We've made the Free Market into a game of who can cheat best, and our governments have written the rules to match the play. It's a bastardization.

Next step: Valuate Earth. I want my 1/7 billionth.

To Freedom, Humanity!

(e)volution

What would you rather be doing?

Every once in awhile, I’ll hear a news story about someone in an office or factory who won the lottery. “Will you quit your job?” the commentator asks. “Oh, I could never leave my job!” they insist.

What!?!

I mean, besides the fact that it’s impossible to keep working beside people once they put on that lens…I ask you, who among us doesn’t have a dream of owning our own time? Freedom has long been the dream of slaves.

Did you forget that we’re slaves?

I have a dream. I wake up in the morning, refreshed and excited to greet the day. I stretch, pick up my coffee, check in with the twitterverse and blogosphere, send some love into the Universe, exercise, and spend the day writing fiction, cat on my lap. I eat a tasty and nutritious dinner with my family and enjoy a summers’ evening with them. I fall asleep easily and sleep well. Nowhere in that dream do I wash dishes, prepare meals, clean up cat litter.

It’s not a giant dream, but it’s one of mine. What are some of yours?

We all have them! We all long to be free of the tyranny of work. Work SUCKS! We just want to bang on the drum all day.

And we SHOULD be able to do this. Why can’t we?

Because we allow the vagaries of human whimsy to drive our innovative efforts, and place individual human desires above what’s realistic. That’s why we have 79 kinds of gum with exactly the same ingredients. That’s why the technology exists to solve almost any problem, but hardly anyone can afford it for far too long. I’m not convinced there is enough trickling down to reach the bottom before drying up.

The Free Market is driving the dream upward. The Entrepreneurs who were once of us, for us and with us, have been displaced by impersonal conglomerates where no one is responsible for anything but the bottom line. Our stock marketeers are making themselves Feudal Overlords. Trickle-down only works when something is trickling down. We encourage the rich to tie money up rather than spend it (spending being the only means of spreading it out) and it is creating a Great Divide between those who must work, and those who have choices.

Don’t misunderstand. I am very grateful to the Free Market for getting us here. Slavery was required for humans to be the machines that made things happen. We did it! We got here! We grew and grew and did more and more, and we cracked the genome! We have computers and robots – better machines than us! We know how to get to the moon! We dreamed it, and it’s here, and it’s incredible. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Without competition and the draw of significant reward, innovation and creativity couldn’t have come so far. The widespread slavery of humans in creation and production, was required to allow for execution on what was possible. Without the fierce competition for basic needs, humans would never have submitted to it. Give them enough to eat and a place to live, and they will do what they feel like, not what needs to be done!

Allowing the slaves participation as consumers of innovation helped spread the wealth from the feudal overlords to a middle class of people. The mantra of ever onward! Constant Growth! That’s the cheerleading we needed to get here. And it worked. It even gave the illusion of freedom, this idea that you can improve your lot, that the sky is the limit. Still, 40 hours a week is a lot, and for most people, it’s the minimum. It doesn’t leave much time to enjoy Life.

The thing is, we don’t have to live like this anymore. We could decide that being a human is not an immediate sentence to a lifetime of work. We could make birth an entry to the universe’s vacation resort. We could decide to use our Collective Will to create utopia for everyone.

Not tomorrow. Not in my lifetime or yours, but does that give us the right to keep our foot on the gas when we can see the ravine? Imagine what technology could do in 3012. That was a trick. You can’t.

In any case, my point is this. We are behaving like children. Gimme gimme gimme. Why should I? It’s MINE! We are acting like teenagers. I choose my own friends! The world is black and white! What’s the point?

We have the technology and know-how to begin spreading not just survival, but even convenience more broadly among humans at a much faster pace, if we lower the prices by reducing the profits. Uh oh, can’t say that. That smacks of taxation or redistribution. Bla bla bla. Let’s put it another way. We have the technology and know-how to begin spreading stability and even convenience more broadly among humans at a much faster pace, if we understand that we live in a finite system. Constant growth is not a requirement, it’s a mindset. And it’s simply not an option.

It’s time for us to grow up, Humanity. We’ve had our childhood, we've spent our teen angst, and we've even crashed the car. 

Now, it’s time to settle down and have a family together.

It’s time we realized the reality of our situation and the depth of our power. It’s time we wake up and have a dream, for all of us, a thousand years from now, that life IS easy and work is what we choose, because we love it and it gives us a chance to better our situation and that of humanity, not because we can't eat otherwise. When I come back, I want my life to be a vacation from the tedium of eternity, no matter what family I’m born to. All this dog eat dog within Ourself tires me out.

To Freedom, Humanity!

Imaginings (shiver)

Take the long road and walk it (The Music)
(Woolwich, Ont.: Dec. 2011)

Only in wild imaginings

Can road evoke a journey

Real life's wanderings offer no wide smoothness

to ease my mind with illusory destinations

So I live in these imaginings, for awhile

and take cold comfort as it comes

Get on

Dare
 (Grand Bend, 2004)

A thousand ways beckon and forbid.

A thousand long paths diverge.

A few hopeful steps, round the bend. Before me a mountain of climbing. I hesitate.

I look back. Perhaps another way?

This path reveals a chasm.  Down that, a desert looms. Thistles and thorns; formidable passages. Ferocious creatures. Dead ends. 

I retreat.

Each path becomes a journey, each journey asks a lifetime. 

Each misleading sign points vaguely, whispers maybes. Beckons and forbids. No destination promised, just hints.

Each way asks blind commitment to one step, then the next. 

I feel ill-equipped.

Again and again, I return to the crossroads, daunted and uncertain any way is worth the struggle.

I don’t know where I’m going

or why I’m going anywhere at all.

Beneath my feet a warning, earth’s rumbled promise: you cannot stay.

Get on.

I sink to my knees. Will I let the ground crumble, swallow me?

The wind whispers though I can't hear meaning
under the howls.

Occupy Earth

Image from "Your Free Press"
(no affiliation, I just used the picture)

I've been watching the Occupy movement for some time with mixed feelings. And watching my mixed feelings with curiosity.

On the surface, I agree with much of what I've heard coming out of the Movement. I'm so relieved and excited to see people taking notice of the rot that has infiltrated our governments and societies. Yet, I have a nagging sense that they are Occupying the wrong thing. Can I walk you through what I've pieced together so far?


Corporations are NOT Job Creators. They are Wealth Accumulators.

• Corporations must employ as few people at as low a rate as possible to maximize shareholder value.
• Corporations are Job Eliminators by nature of their role as Wealth Accumulators.

Private Industry is NOT accountable for creating full employment.

• Private industry’s primary responsibility is to extract value for shareholders.
• Corporations are responsible for maximizing their shareholders’ value within the context of the regulations set by Governments
• Corporations are not responsible to ensure society has enough resources to meet citizen needs. 
• Corporations are not responsible to ensure full employment for as many humans as society decides to birth and educate.
• Governments have created few/poor regulatory mechanisms requiring corporations to create employment or protect natural resources

The coincidental convergence between industry needs and available human labour is over. 

• Agricultural and Industrial Ages required more people and employed them with lower pre-employment requirements
• Technology trends in automation and robotics indicate that the lines between private sector needs and capable human labour will continue diverging.

Societies must stop relying on the mechanism of full employment as the means by which they ensure citizens are fed and housed.

• As private industry requires fewer people with increasingly complex skills, fewer people will be eligible to earn in the private sector

Societies allocate too few of our common resources to education to permit a large enough pool of people eligible for private sector employment

• Private industry requires fewer, but more expensive human capabilities than in the past
• Education systems were developed to support the Industrial age and have not been adequately revised
• Industry requires creative thinkers with significant and complex knowledge
• Our educational systems currently fail to maximize the human potential of most people 
• Public education produces too few humans eligible for private-sector employment participation and too many not eligible for available private sector needs
• Producing more humans eligible for private sector work is expensive and requires more individual adult care for each child during the education phase

Private industry would fail without the free labour of care-givers and volunteers, which is not valued in the current economic system

• Without the unpaid care of children, disabled and elderly people to support families and communities, those who are employed could not focus their time and attention on producing
• Because most care is not valued in the economic system, most care is done by those who are not fully employed in other ways, with a sub-set of care provided by low-paid workers. 
• Otherwise productive and employed humans, primarily female, exit the workforce when family pressures require time and attention
• If society achieves full employment of adults, it does so at the cost to quality of care for young children, the disabled and the elderly within homes, as well as the volunteer work done in schools and communities

Governments are responsible to regulate behaviour within a society in a way that permits fair and peaceful co-existence. 

• As behaviour regulators, we trust Governments to also be the stewards of our resources
• As Resource Stewards, we trust Governments to ensure our natural resources, including human labour, are used and paid for in a way that permits fair and peaceful co-existence

Societies currently subsidize private sector profits by selling commonly-held resources too cheaply

• Governments compete and undercut each other to increase industry participation in their territories
• Governments use cheap resources (low costs, low taxes, cheap labour rates) to attract industry
• Governments have failed to recoup for Society an appropriate value in exchange for resources, including labour
• Governments have not extracted enough societal value to replace the sold resources – they have sold our resources, including human time, too cheaply, and given too much "free reign" to corporations

Fair and peaceful co-existence currently feels threatened.

• Governments have created regulatory environments in which corporations can amass and hoard wealth at the expense of the common good
• Governments have created policy environments in which education and care are de-valued and under-valued for their role in economic activity
• Because governments have failed to regulate our resource allocation and behaviours effectively, more people are living lives of instability and desperation
• As more people live lives of instability and desperation, our fair and peaceful co-existence is threatened

For societies to survive and evolve, they must re-assess how governments subsidize and regulate private sector use of common resources 

• Societies must seek ways to use commonly-held resources strategically, maximizing the balance among private-sector employment, public-sector employment and other forms of income stabilization
• Decision making must apply the context that the “full employment” coincidence is no longer an effective model
• For societies to mitigate against decreased private sector employment needs, decision making must apply the context of increasing need for societal contribution in the areas of care and education 
• There is no compelling evidence that governments are seriously undertaking such a re-assessment

Wall Street did what they were permitted to do. Without conscience, pressuring for more and more privilege - yes, morally we can and must question the ethics of these leaders, especially those who went beyond the already-permissive legal framework. And yet, it is governments the world over who have failed both in their responsibility to regulate behavior, and in their role as Resource Stewards. By competing for industry in a selfish and protectionist way, rather than working together, governments have undercut us all.

So, for the Americans at least, why isn't it Occupy Washington? 

Finally...

This is a closed ecosystem.

One world, one set of resources, 7 billion people. Nothing much comes in or goes out. If I have more, you have less. If one country has more, other countries have less. Until we begin thinking like a species on a planet at the governmental level, this mess will only get worse. Until we decide on a common goal of a fair and peaceful co-existence, we can't even begin to start those conversations, let alone work on achieving it. 

I say, OCCUPY EARTH. 

We already do, all of us, together. It's the How that's the kicker.

  

Seeing

See Through

What I see

Depends a lot on how I look

Nature is

Inter-Seasonal

Nature does not say: It is Spring, there will be only green.
Nature does not say: It is Summer, there will be only sun
Nature does not say: It is Autumn, everything must die
Nature does not say: It is Winter, there will be only snow

When we look closely, we see that Nature cares not about the season
Nature simply is
Now.

Hasten

Spent

   
Hasten

     why should I?
     why shouldn't I?
     they should
     they shouldn't
     why don't they?
     it's not fair
     they don't deserve
     I deserve
     I want
     I give up   

Hasten the moment duality breaks
Shush away the skittish fears
Soothe and whisper calming questions in my ear

Hasten the moment of shining harsh light
Reveal the They alive in Me
Allow the shame to teach then let it be

Hasten the moment of opening sight
Reveal the Me alive in They
Allow the hurt to teach then flow away

When frantic power yields to compassion
I return to love
I return to me

Seeds fly (Release)

Release (Autumn, 2011)

The flower never knows 

where her seeds blow

do they root in soil?

strangle in weeds?

fly and flourish?

or revert to dust.

The flower only knows 

She must bloom
(and then, release)

Mind's Eye

Mindseye
(acrylic on canvas, 2011)

Movement carries potential
Deliberate acts create the unintended
Effect is never quite what's caused
Variables multiply
     faster than definitions

In my mind's eye the colours dance with purpose
Pools trickles tangles smears lines webs
Their play desires my imagination
Each colour pulls my mind's eye past horizon

Where past my understanding, they continue flowing
Where past my comprehension, their song sings to my song
Where past my thoughtful reasons, their need continues through me
Where past my body's surface
     they call me on.

(Are you coming?)
(I'm almost there.)

Getting to know me?

Just Waiting for the Wind (Autumn, 2011)

By chance, I recently met someone who reads this blog. She didn't know it was "my" blog until we met and she recognized me from my picture. It's like a tiny, little taste of fame. This reader observed that I am not like my blog. She said I seem happy and together, but my blog is "heavy." She wasn't complaining, exactly, but noting something I've noted myself - I tend to write here more often when I'm angsty or freaking out than when I'm not.

Which is to say, I only post a couple of times a month, often when I'm most angsty or I'm freaking out.

But reading my blog, not understanding the big spaces of happy, excited and boring between what I write, could lead to some interesting impressions of me as a person. I'd never thought much about it, because I didn't really think anyone was GETTING TO KNOW ME through all this sharing. When I write, it's to explore a theme, to work ideas loose - it's like noodling on a guitar. It's not meant to be an expression of my whole being. I'd never thought of people meeting me and expecting me to be "like" my blog, at all. It kind of freaked me out.

For me, the blog is a space of creative expression, not a journal. The themes I explore are just themes, bits I'm working through in a moment among a million moments that I don't share here.

Somehow, I need to say that now. But I feel kind of...icky about it.

Because I feel that you (that is, YOU) have always understood this about our shared moments when you read. You've gone there with me, not thinking where we went WAS me. We go together knowing what we explore is often hard, and it matters, and it underpins all the other times when we aren't in angst but the reasons for it aren't gone. You know that we are all of us so complex as to be unknowable, even to ourselves. In this way, we are all gods in bodies.

(you do understand, don't you?)

Kindergarten Gurus (or, Wasps get mad at this time of year"

Kindergarten Gurus (Waterloo, 2011)

Today, walking down the hill to the bus stop, my 5 year old stopped.

"A dead wasp!" He looked at the perfect, still body. "It looks just the same, but dead."

I was impatient. In a hurry. I didn't want to miss the bus.

"Yes, yes, wasps die in October. Keep walking!" My 4yo daughter and I were far enough ahead that he needed to run to keep up.

"Why?" he asked.

"Why what?"

"Why do wasps die in October?"

"Because it's cold." I threw it out, a little dismissive.

My daughter piped up at the same time. "Because they're done getting all the pollen."

This time I stopped, just for a second. I smiled. She's such a show-off.

"That too," I conceded, feeling bested by a master. I gave them both a hug. We walked.

"Wasps are just like robots," my son offered.

"Yes, they are basically like robots, programmed to get pollen. Like a light bulb. When we turn on the switch, we send electricity to the light bulb and it lights up, because that's what it does." They nodded. They've heard this before. "When we turn the switch off, it stops the electricity, and the bulb is off."

They stumbled over each other to talk, and my son won out. I never quite know how to navigate these squabbles - I don't want to reward this kind of pushiness (though it does have some practical value in some circumstances), and I don't want to sidetrack the conversation. I'll admit, this time I let it go. My son said,

"So they die, and then in spring new ones get borned, just the same kind of robots that get pollen. Because there's no flowers in winter. So we don't need these old ones anymore. So we pull out our electricity, and they fall down dead."

"That's one interesting way to look at it."

"Everything's a robot," he proclaimed. "We're robots, and cars are robots and birds and everything is just robots with electricity."

My daughter piped up.

"Noooo..." she said, almost laughing, almost sarcastic. "They're not just robots."

"No?" I asked. "Why?"

"Robots don't get mad. Wasps get mad at this time of year."

She was quoting me - I've said "Wasps get mad at this time of year" many times in the past couple of months. But she tied that back herself to the concept that the wasps can't be robots because they feel emotion. She identified a key concept of being "alive."

"That's true." I responded. And then, "Unless the robots are programmed to get mad when they're about to die..."

"All of everything gets mad when it's about to die," said my son with certainty. "We like to be alive."

We arrived at the bus stop. They mounted the stairs to the bus, almost too high for their legs. My kindergarten gurus.

A message on poverty

(photo from Tina Tang)

Poverty is a personal problem with systemic consequences.

In response to the systemic consequences, we institute systems-approach solutions that have personal consequences, and often exacerbate the effects of poverty at the personal level. These approaches have failed to reduce levels of poverty and have increased gaps between the richest and poorest. These systems cost too much money to provide no return on investment.

We require a different set of starting principles.

The most viable solutions will challenge common understanding about concepts like value, work, choice, responsibility, community and freedom. We are only beginning to have those conversations, and they are hard.

This work is generations from fruition.

Johnny, Jenny & Neeha: Talking TIME

Part 2 Talking: TIME

When we last left Jenny, Johnny & Neeha, they were having lunch. Read the previous post here

Jenny feels her friends’ ambivalence and wishes she’d kept quiet. Never have the three friends been in such different places. They pretend to read the menu they all know by heart. Jenny already knows that she'll order soup, but she doesn't want to look up right away. We are in such different places, she thinks. I wish we could understand each other, and just feel comfortable like we used to.


Suddenly, Jenny's stomach contracts and a cold, eerie feeling descends over her. With glaring clarity she understands: this may be the last time we three friends are together like this. She feels suddenly overwhelmed with sadness for all she has lost already. Jenny takes a ragged breath. Johnny and Neeha are instantly alert.
"Jenny, I'm sorry, we never should have gotten into talking about money." Neeha puts her arm around her friend, but Jenny shakes it off.


"No, that's just it! It's what we DON'T talk about that's getting in our way! Guys, I really think that we might be losing our friendship because we can't talk about how our situations are different, the assumptions or judgments we might have - even unconsciously. It gets in the way, like a wall we've been slowly building for years!"


All three sit in silence. After a minute, Johnny nods thoughtfully.


"Okay, but we can't change anyone's situation, we can't change what's different in our lives. So what can we do?"


"Maybe...we can talk about it?" offers Jenny shyly.


Johnny does not want to talk about it. He knows that he has more money than his friends and he doesn't want to be made to feel guilty about it. He went to college, and worked hard to get where he is. He thinks, what is there to talk about? It's not his fault that his friends made different decisions than he did. Jenny chose to get married and quit school - if she'd wanted to, she could have given the baby up, or found a way to do her studies part time. And Neeha didn't even try. As these thoughts flow through his mind, he remembers Jenny's words that burst out so jarringly. Assumptions? Judgments? Reluctantly, he starts to see that maybe there are some things to talk about.


Neeha still hasn't spoken. She does not want to talk about her life - it's too boring. She doesn't want to complain, and she doesn't want to listen to anyone else complain, either. It hurt her feelings when Jenny shook her off, and the outburst felt like an attack . She admits to herself that Jenny's words shook her to the core. Neeha suddenly realizes the tenuousness of the relationship that holds them together, how easily these two people who had always been part of her Canadian life might fade away from her. She shivers as she feels, for a moment, what it means to be alone in the world. She looks at her two friends. Jenny smiles apologetically and bites her lip. Neeha makes a decision.


"Okay," says Neeha, "Let's talk. Where do we start?"

"Let's NOT start with money, okay?" says Jenny. "I think I need to warm up to that. But...maybe we can talk about what we were saying earlier. About time?"

"So, what? Like, report out on how we spend our time?" Johnny asks skeptically.

Jenny swallows hard. She feels strangely brave, but it's still hard to say what she is thinking out loud.
"Well," Jenny begins, "I guess I noticed that both you guys seemed to be...I don't know, doubtful? When I said that my time is stretched? So I guess I'm thinking that you think you have more time pressures than I do. Can we talk about that?"

Neeha and Johnny exchange a look. Johnny doesn't really want to hurt Jenny's feelings by saying her days are wasted. Neeha sighs. Her feelings are complicated and contradictory - she knows Jenny is a good mother, but she still feels it's unfair that she doesn't have to work. Neeha has no idea what she can say that won't sound like she is judging her friend. The words suddenly tumble out before she fully thinks them through.

"I have to admit it, Jenny, it's true. I do think you have more time than me. I'm running from job to job spending half my time on the bus, and you're warm at home. I'm not saying you don't work hard as a mother. But how could you not have more time?"

The two women stare at each other in silence. Jenny doesn't want to say the first words that come to her - she wants to keep her friendship. She feels Neeha's comments like burning shame.

Suddenly, Johnny laughs. The other two look over at him, surprised.

"No one has more time!" he cries triumphantly, the same way he used to treat every new discovery in science class as though he were the first to come upon it. Neeha feels a smile tugging the corner of her lips as she catches a glimpse of Teenaged Johnny.

"What do you mean?" she asks.

"No one has more time because we all have the same 24 hours, every day! We all start with...what? One hundred..." he grabs a crayon from a cup left for small children, working out the math on the paper tablecloth in front of him. "One hundred and sixty-eight hours. in a week. That's all we get. You can't buy an hour more."

All three friends acknowledge this is true.

Each friend has the same 24 hours to spend in a day. Each begins each week with 168 hours.

"Okay," smiles Jenny, a little more at ease. "We all have one hundred and sixty-eight hours. That's true, but it's what we do with them that's different." Jenny takes a deep breath in and lets it out slowly. She is glad her friends have taken up her challenge instead of running, but she's already finding the conversation hard. She decides that she will have to be determined not to get offended, but try to stay curious."

"Well, I spend most of my time at work," says Johnny. "Or, sleeping."

"Sleep?" laughs Neeha. "What's that? Sleep is one thing I don't spend enough time on. Work comes first. And the stupid bus."

"For me, my kids come first," says Jenny. "The twins are still home all day and they won't nap anymore, so I spend most of my time with them."

"But, they're just little. They can't take up that much time?" asks Neeha without thinking.

"I think maybe you should come and babysit for a day, then see if you think that!" laughs Jenny. She means what she says, but finds she isn't upset with Neeha's assumption. Neeha can't be expected to know what it's like to spend all day, every day with very young children.

Johnny takes the crayon.

"I have an easy way to do this. Let's just track how we spend our time."

Together, the friends quickly narrow themselves to four main areas for time - paid employment, household maintenance, personal development and community work. Each shares their experience thoughtfully and with a broad brush. Johnny records the hours on the paper table-cloth. They take quite awhile to eat, often forgetting as they get caught up in analyzing together. When the waitress comes to clear their plates, Johnny asks her for a new table-cloth to summarize their findings. She raises her eyebrow when she sees what he's been writing, but doesn't say a word. Johnny works while Neeha and Jenny excuse themselves to the washroom.

Here is a summary of what they found:

1) Paid Employment

Johnny spends, on average, 42.5 hours at work.

Jenny does not engage in paid work.

Neeha works about 48 hours a week among her three employers.

Working requires travel time. Johnny drives about twenty minutes to work. Niha takes the bus, which takes approximately one hour each way, while Jenny primarily stays in her own neighbourhood.

Time spent on paid employment:

	Johnny	Jenny	Neeha
Average weekly hours at workplace	42.5	0	48
Travel hours to and from work	3.33	0	11.67
Total hours required for paid work:	45.83	0	59.67

2. Household Maintenance

Household maintenance includes things like housecleaning, laundry, food preparation and shopping. In particular, household maintenance is required to keep a home pest-free and sanitary for human living, and to ensure nutritional needs are met.

Johnny has a housekeeper who comes every two weeks for the heaviest work, and keeps his place fairly tidy in between. His home is pest-free. Johnny buys his lunch about half the time, and uses food services (drive-thru, takeout) at least three times a week. He doesn’t know how to cook many things, so his groceries consist primarily of frozen entrees and meals-to-go.

Jenny makes her own meals, usually from reduced-cost groceries and produce, and does her own housecleaning. With small children at home, her efforts do not always meet her own standards. She has had mice occasionally, but her home is generally pest-free.

Neeha does her own cleaning and always brings her lunch to work. She likes to cook but doesn’t have much time, so about half her meals are packaged/prepared/frozen grocery offerings. Her apartment is messy but not dirty - she generally keeps it up and does big bursts of proper cleaning when she can fit them in. Still, she battles cockroaches that go back and forth between her apartment and her neighbour's. The tenants there change every month, and they often bring infestations with them. She would like to move, but she never seems to be able to get an appointment when she doesn't have to work.

Time Spent on Household Maintenance

	Johnny	Jenny	Neeha
Housecleaning	12	28	20
Laundry	2	4	2
Food preparation	7	20	12
Shopping	2	6	4
Time spent on household tasks:	23	58	38

3) Community Contribution

All three friends readily agree that citizenship invokes a responsibility for contribution to the community. This is one of the values that brought them together. They also acknowledge that each volunteer hour adds to the wider social benefit at the expense of one hour's participation in the economic system.

Johnny sits on a local charity’s Board of Directors, which averages about an hour a week. He's new to the Board and the other members have been there longer, so he hasn't found his niche. He's hoping to help them upgrade their IT infrastructure, which could increase his time contributions. Johnny also visits his disabled aunt for an hour each Thursday at her supportive care facility.

Jenny spends approximately fifty-six hours a week in direct child-development activities *(please see the note at the end). These activities include reading, crafts, play, music, writing, fine and gross motor skill development, and social development. Jenny cares for her sister’s two children after school, allowing her sister to continue her full time job. Jenny also volunteers three hours a week at the local community centre’s reading program while her kids play in a play circle.

Neeha volunteers one hour each week at the local multicultural centre, leading a youth art program. She also paints when she can spare some time. Several of her paintings hang in local establishments, and she donated one to the city’s library for a charity event last year.

Time Spent on Community Contribution

	Johnny	Jenny	Neeha
Supporting children's development needs	0	56	0
Supporting family/friend needs	1	10	1
Volunteering	1	3	0
Producing art	0	1	1
Time spent on Community-enhancing tasks:	2	70	2

*A note on child care: Initially, Neeha pointed out that Jenny’s children are her own. In return, Jenny reminded her friends that her children's well-being will contribute to society (if they graduate high school, take post-secondary education, get jobs) or cost society (if they remain on social assistance as adults, suffer from ill-health, or develop mental health issues). In addition, the time Jenny spends directly on child development would be performed for money by child-care workers if her time were spent at other employment, and therefore has economic value to the community. In the end, the three friends agreed to include child care as a community-enhancing activity.

4) Physical needs

The friends agreed that time must be spent each day on the physical needs required by all humans – at the very least, some hours spent sleeping, eating and basic exercise. They decided not to bother counting their time eating, since they thought it would be about the same for each.

Johnny belongs to a gym and works out there 3-4 times a week for at least an hour. He always makes sure to sleep 8 hours a night, because otherwise he gets very grumpy.

Jenny never seems to find the time for exercise with the twins still at home all day (and no longer napping). She also gets very little sleep – between keeping up with laundry and waking up with various children through the night/early morning, she considers herself lucky to get 6 hours a night. She often suffers nightmares at night, and headaches through the day.

Neeha does little better than Jenny – it’s not that she wastes her time, but between her work in the evenings and her day shifts, her sleep patterns are a little confused and she tends to sleep in 3-4 hour shifts, rather than getting all her sleep at once. She also likes to veg out a bit - not sleep, just relax. She sometimes falls asleep on the sofa with the TV on.

Time Spent on Physical Needs

Physical Needs	Johnny	Jenny	Neeha
Sleeping	56	42	45
Exercising	4	0	0
Time spent on personal well-being:	60	42	45

Bringing it all together...

Jenny, Johnny and Neeha started with the idea that each begins with the same number of hours: 24 in a day, 168 in a week.

168 Hours

	Johnny	Jenny	Neeha
Hours at start of the week	168	168	168
Hours spent for work	45.83	0	59.67
Hours spent for household tasks	23	58	38
Hours spent for community-enhancing tasks	2	70	2
Hours spent on personal well-being	60	42	45
Hours available for leisure:	37.17	-2	23.33

Johnny ends up with approximately 37 hours of unallocated time in a week. Up until now, Johnny has used this time to upgrade his education and career prospects. He will likely now use his time to perform well at his job, improving his future prospects for employment and earnings. He will also use his time to catch up with friends and family that he’s been missing. Perhaps he will add another volunteer project.

Currently, Jenny spends almost half her waking hours in the long-term, active creation of productive human units for society – that is, performing unpaid child development work. For her to work at paid employment, someone else would need to be paid to do this work. During the day, Jenny’s oldest daughter is in school, but since school begins at 8:45am and lets out at 3:15pm, Jenny could not work a full shift and still be home when Heather arrives. After school care costs about as much as Jenny could earn in most part time jobs. and her two youngest children are not in school.

Both Johnny and Neeha benefit from not having children. Presumably, if Jenny did not have children, she could achieve, at minimum, a similar outcome to Neeha, since she would not be required to remain at home and could pursue similar levels of paid employment. Without children, Jenny may have finished her degree and entered the workforce at a higher rate of pay, but society would be deprived three future units of contribution. These musings may be diverting, but the reality is, there are three small children who cannot be left alone, and Jenny cannot choose to divert her time from them.

Almost half of Neeha’s waking hours are consumed by work and travel. She often thinks about upgrading her education, but she’s so tired when she gets home that even thinking about what to study seems daunting, let alone figuring out how to make it happen. She’s heard that even people with degrees and diplomas are having a hard time finding work, so she’s not sure it’s worth the investment. Truth be told, Neeha would rather spend any extra time on her art, but generally finds herself zoning out in front of the TV if she has 15 minutes to spare.

 

 
When the women return from the washroom, they stand behind Johnny and look at the chart he's made.

"It looks like I was wrong, Jenny," says Neeha. "You don't seem to have any free time at all. But do you really spend all that time on child development?"

"You mean, do I leave them to fend for themselves while I watch soaps?" The joke is mostly light-hearted. Neeha decides to let it slide.

"No, I mean, they must play by themselves sometimes. There must be some down time?"

"Neeha, I can see why you think that, but you haven't been around kids. I think some kids probably are easy, don't need much attention, but I don't know those kids. And we don't just sit around at home. I want to make sure they're ready for school. I take them out into the world, to the library, the community centre, the early year's centre, even the nursing home. We sing, we do crafts. I read to them and play with them. They are so young that they bite and hit if they start fighting over a toy - I can't leave them alone for a minute. Unless they're sleeping, I need to give them my focus. Remember, I'm with them 24-7 but I'm only claiming 8 hours a day for child development. If anything, I was lowballing."

Neeha has no reason to doubt her friend. She can't imagine spending that much time with small children. She wouldn't know what to do with them.

"But," Jenny continues, "I do have more flexibility than you, in some ways. I can decide when we're going to certain places, or stay home if we're tired. I can turn on the TV and take a break for 20 minutes. You have to go to work, no matter what, when they tell you, and be on time. That's hard."

Neeha appreciates her friend's effort to see her perspective.

"Well, I think we must be missing something, because there's no WAY I have 37 hours to spend!" complains Johnny.

"Well, we just did broad categories. But you've been studying for your certification - that's been using up a bunch of your time. Maybe you will find yourself with those hours now that you're done?" suggests Neeha.

"Maybe. I'll have to think about it. This can't be the whole story."

"It's definitely not," agrees Jenny, "But it's all we have time for. I need to catch the bus home."

"Don't be silly, I'll give you both a ride," offers Johnny.

"I'm staying downtone," says Neeha. "My shift starts at 5pm, so there's no point going home then back again."

The waitress approaches. "Will that be together or separate?"

"Together," says Johnny with his hand out. "Separate," from the other two at the same moment. An awkward silence ensures.

"Together," says Johnny firmly. He smiles at his friends. "You won't deny me. I want to buy lunch today."

As the three leave the restaurant, their feelings are mixed. The tension hasn't disappeared, but Jenny feels relief. They have talked about things today in a way that they haven't in far too long. They had some difficult moments, challenged each other, and even overcame hurt feelings. Jenny feels proud that they have come through it. Neeha isn't sure how she feels, but she knows that she does not want to lose these friends. Johnny stays quiet - today's discussions have left him with a number of thoughts to ponder.

As they say goodbye, Johnny, Jenny and Neeha feel glad that they are three good friends.

(Sorry about the formatting - Blogger kinda sucks that way. )