Friday, March 22, 2019

This Space

Making Space (CAI 2018)
I can't leave my space. Of course, I can, but for some reason the very energy in my cells tell me that here, where I am, is the only place on Earth, and all the rest of everything, all the people, are in the ether.

I become acutely aware that this is a game, a very realistic existential experience. The energy it would take to create the reality of other places than this so that I could step into them seems heavy.

Sunday, March 3, 2019

Running away from home (a Maverick Missive)

I Think I Need to Find the Key (Running Away from Home) - CAI2019
(painted in trance with the music of Happy Rhodes)

There is a thirst for water, a pull for air, a hunger for food, and a dissipation for spirit. We starve any to our peril. 

The more enmeshed we are with the energy of what is, the more spirit calories we burn, and the more recharge we require. Sleep is not enough. Moving meditation is not enough. Oneness with breath is not enough. Being in nature is not enough. Capturing the beauty of what is, is not enough. Creating through works is not enough. Expressing through language is not enough. Even communing in alignment with others is not enough. Together, all; together, they are almost enough to keep me from freaking out about the current peril I face on this planet every minute of every day. My pain is a constant nagging friend to remind me of what life is. 

The choice is: Ignore It, or Face It. The happy medium is a balance-board on rocky seas, where balance feels like swinging between off-kilters. Face It, and that means changing so much that the overwhelm kicks in and switches the filter to Ignore It, while the reality builds slowly under the surface with eruptions that make it impossible to completely live in the ignorance of bliss. Face It, and one must filter so much spirit into seeing that the need for spiritual fix becomes an addiction, a medication, a necessary time-suck, or rather, investment, in the work of being awake and seeing and living daily with the dissonance between what we know of how we live, and what our true integrity wishes were possible but no longer believes in.

Sometimes one must run away from home to get back there.

Please listen to the music of Happy Rhodes