Tender

Tender

Sunday, February 21, 2021

Crow's taunt

(strange bird created by CD Good)

On our first day here, we saw a fox

large and orange and confident, trotting, just off 

in the distance, and I thought, 

we are closer to nature

we will have to watch the pets, I thought

but in the silence since

no animal has crossed my line of sight

all is quiet, day and night

save one, rare crow who sometimes shows his wings

flying off, he sings a croaking taunt my way 

saying, see, you are alone

even here

you are alone

Sunday, February 7, 2021

Hope can be too demanding

 

Long View

I understand that hope can ask too much

how comforting to sink back, let demands

float away, spend the days

not caring

I see it's not just easier; sometimes it's life saving

to forget to try, just wait to die

reduce yourself to the basics.

When effort falls flat what inspires more effort?

When trying draws judgement but not support, when doing takes energy from precious stores

When experience tells us the prize will cost more

than it's worth

abandoning hope can be a warm blanket safe haven 

a kind of birth

free, finally, from the strain always striving suck me dry try try try

treadmill hamster-wheel life of strife hanging on by broken nails

the carrot always miles 

away

I see why, today, you might decide despair is a better friend

and in the end

I can't disagree, even though I see there's something lost in translation

I can't shake your ambition free; it's hard enough to do it

for myself. 



Friday, January 29, 2021

Gash

A gash in the sky


The wound of belonging
knicked open clumsily
gashed open suddenly
a gift reversed, transaction gone wrong
then the burst
head roaring outrage chest fire lava bubbles skin hot stomach
punch
knife pierce right through the eyes
I sigh
because here it is again
not overcome, not won against
not vanquished 
not gone, just scabbed over
raw red, throbbing, vulnerable, waiting 
to be ripped open
and I wanted to be zenner than that. 


Friday, January 8, 2021

Frozen in place (lyrics, can you hear a tune?)

Frozen in Place (CAI2020)

I thought that I would matter 

But I don’t

I thought my words would gather

But they don’t

I thought I’d be important, a person who decides

I thought that people would be drawn to the truths I’d write

I thought my life would keep unfolding with the next surprise

But it won’t.


I thought the years held promise

But they don’t

I thought my dreams would fly

But they won’t

I thought that hopes and effort could give my visions life

I thought that recognition would reciprocally arrive

I thought the world would see me in my wonder if I tried

But it won’t.


Unfolding years resign me to the loss and dread and fear

Try again? Why try again?

To speak when no one hears

No spark, no lift

Each try falls flat, depleting precious stores

Hope recedes unyielding as failure takes its course


Do or don’t, whatever, it never was a choice.


I thought one day I’d matter 

But I don’t

I thought my works would gather

But they don’t

I thought I’d bring some clarity, and people would respond

I thought my tribe would find me and together we’d expand

I thought the world would strive for peace and I would take its hand

But we won’t.


Dread-dull resignation has replaced my faith in lies. 

(lyrics, can you hear the music? please share)