Tender

Tender

Friday, October 29, 2021

Misted


Sometimes I catch the mirror
or it catches me; I stop
arrested by the sight of me, my beauty
a surprise
always a surprise to see.
I face me, head on
eye to eye
clear blue shining life crinkles warm with love for me
and I wonder: can anyone else see what I see? 
or is this beauty just for me?
hidden in plain sight, a missed surprise
a mist between my beauty and their eyes.  

(it's no coincidence that mist and missed are the same word)

Thursday, October 28, 2021

An Open Letter to Catherine Keener

Endtimes (CAI)


Dear Ms. Keener,

Do you realize that you may be the coolest person alive?

with warm regards,

CAI

 

Sunday, October 10, 2021

An open letter to Bill Murray

Bill Murray (CAI 2021)

Dear Bill Murray,

I saw you in the latest Netflix thing and what occurred to me is, you're getting old. Like me, I'm getting old, I just started a little later. But I was struck by the realization that you will live your whole life and never know me. I never really thought about that before, that you might die never having known me at all. It's too bad, but it's the way of things. I think you would have gotten a kick out of me, if you knew me; that the way you would have seen me, and my work, would have brought a unique and important energy to whatever I do next. It might have made up for some of the things I don't know about you, that still hang heavy. I think the pride you would have felt to be part of me and my doings would be worth taking to the grave, despite your many other amazing life experiences. I think that knowing me as a person on Earth would make life feel more complete. And of course, just being known deeply by me is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. But it's already too late. Getting to know me takes many years and not insignificant effort, and even then, trust builds in shared doing. Do we have many years left? No. And they are already pretty spoken for with previous commitments and callings. I'm afraid we don't have time to build the bond of knowing deeply. That time passed without either of us noticing. You will always miss me, until your dying day, never knowing what you are missing. Meeting me now would do you no good - it might make matters worse, at this point. A meeting between a celebrity, a fan? It degrades what's possible. You might think what you see is me, and walk away mistaken that you know me. You might die thinking you'd met me, and I was nothing special. Better to die having never met me at all.

With warm regards,

CAI

(listen: Happy Rhodes, the Issue)

P.S. It occurs to me that this letter isn't to you, at all. It's to the whole world. Or myself. 

Monday, October 4, 2021

Doing anything is hard

Horizon (CAI 2021)

Doing anything is hard

like

anything at all.

When anyone does anything

like

anyone at all

they should be honoured

proud

we should celebrate that something

anything at all

actually

got 

done

when

we 

make 

it

so

hard

to 

do

anything


at



all.

Friday, June 11, 2021

Open Letter to Canada's Prime Minister

(creator not identified, found this on https://www.change.org/p/carolyn-bennett-o-canada-our-home-s-on-native-land)

Sir,

You must deal with the truth of Canada’s nature and relationship with the First Peoples. From killing Old Growth forests to missing and murdered women, from residential "school” to prisons where too many of the First Peoples are confined, from poisoned drinking water to eroded territories, from the RCMP to the OPP, I've barely begun the list. The truth is that our entire economy and society was never paid for, and can't be paid for. Subjugation and eradication haven't done their evil job, the First People are still standing, asking for the partnerships we promised. We are no longer the brutal people who first peopled this land. We know better. Know better, do better. 

We can't do land acknowledgments and then arrest land defenders. We can’t pollute drinking water and not provide drinking water. We can’t claim respect and absolve their murderers and abusers. Canada should be a land of integrity. 

Two things you can do right now:

1) Call off the RCMP from Fairy Creek. 

2) Find all the bodies of children murdered by the insane residential system, and do something about it. 

Then, enact every recommendation from the Truth and Reconciliation Commission Report http://www.trc.ca/. Take every first and next step possible. And then the next. For as long as it takes. 

Canada is amazing, but I can't feel proud of my country because of these failures. We need to get on with the hard work of building a partnership with our environment and our First Peoples so that seven generations from now, our descendants are still here.

Maybe in a few generations we can heal the wounds and build trust, but not until we start. The first step is to acknowledge a pattern of behaviour that is not working and is, ultimately, killing us. It's time to get healthier. Be honest, be clear. June is Indigenous History month. We can never fix the past, but there's plenty to do in the present. 

Submitted with respect for those who have experienced Canada's attempted genocide first hand.

Tuesday, May 18, 2021

Divvying up the pie (last slice)

The entire world economy is currently worth $87.55 trillion dollars. There are only 87.5 trillions in our entire world economy. Please note: 

Jeff Bezos is the richest man in the world with a net worth of $107.1 billion. will be the first billionaire to become a trillionaire in 2026 at the age of 62. 

Xu Jiayin will be the second billionaire to turn a trillionaire in 2027 at the age of 68. 

Jack Ma, will be the third man to hit one trillion Dollars net worth in 2030, at the age of 65. 

Ma Huateng, also known as the Pony Ma, will become a trillionaire by the time he’s 61 years old in 2033. 

Mukesh Ambani, is expected to hit one trillion by 2033 by which time he will be 75 years old. 

Bernard Arnault will probably become a trillionaire by 2032 at 84 years old. 

Mark Zuckerberg will be the youngest person to make a trillion at the age of 51 years in 2036. 

Steve Ballmer, former CEO of Microsoft, is also set to hit a trillion in 2040 when he will be 83 years old. 

Michael Dell will have made his first trillion by 2043 by when he will be 78 years old. 

Larry Page and Sergey Brin are both set to hit $1 trillion by 2051 at the age of 77 years.

That's 11. Of 87.5. Owned by 11 guys in our lifetime. In their lifetime. And forever after tied in inheritance, never again part of the world economy the rest of us share. We're down to the last pass on the Monopoly Board and there are only about a dozen people on Earth who will win if we keep letting the systems run us. 

(source: Business Insider India, October 3, 2019, "Here’s how long it will take the world’s richest billionaires to become trillionaires.")

Tuesday, March 16, 2021

Disposable

Unfinished & Tangled: A self portrait (CAI 2020)

I am not disposable. 

But maybe I am. I guess I am.

I haven't earned the right to know where I stand

to trust where I stand

I haven't earned the true esteem of a friend

When people look at me they see

what? not much. Not much here to see, to be

If I try to share what's here, I impose

If I don't, I withhold

and it's not very interesting, anyway

Never enough, always too much

Alone, in the end, 

alone again

even among friends

still 

alone. 

Sunday, February 21, 2021

Crow's taunt

(strange bird created by CD Good)

On our first day here, we saw a fox

large and orange and confident, trotting, just off 

in the distance, and I thought, 

we are closer to nature

we will have to watch the pets, I thought

but in the silence since

no animal has crossed my line of sight

all is quiet, day and night

save one, rare crow who sometimes shows his wings

flying off, he sings a croaking taunt my way 

saying, see, you are alone

even here

you are alone

Sunday, February 7, 2021

Hope can be too demanding

 

Long View

I understand that hope can ask too much

how comforting to sink back, let demands

float away, spend the days

not caring

I see it's not just easier; sometimes it's life saving

to forget to try, just wait to die

reduce yourself to the basics.

When effort falls flat what inspires more effort?

When trying draws judgement but not support, when doing takes energy from precious stores

When experience tells us the prize will cost more

than it's worth

abandoning hope can be a warm blanket safe haven 

a kind of birth

free, finally, from the strain always striving suck me dry try try try

treadmill hamster-wheel life of strife hanging on by broken nails

the carrot always miles 

away

I see why, today, you might decide despair is a better friend

and in the end

I can't disagree, even though I see there's something lost in translation

I can't shake your ambition free; it's hard enough to do it

for myself. 



Friday, January 29, 2021

Gash

A gash in the sky


The wound of belonging
knicked open clumsily
gashed open suddenly
a gift reversed, transaction gone wrong
then the burst
head roaring outrage chest fire lava bubbles skin hot stomach
punch
knife pierce right through the eyes
I sigh
because here it is again
not overcome, not won against
not vanquished 
not gone, just scabbed over
raw red, throbbing, vulnerable, waiting 
to be ripped open
and I wanted to be zenner than that. 


Friday, January 8, 2021

Frozen in place (lyrics, can you hear a tune?)

Frozen in Place (CAI2020)

I thought that I would matter 

But I don’t

I thought my words would gather

But they don’t

I thought I’d be important, a person who decides

I thought that people would be drawn to the truths I’d write

I thought my life would keep unfolding with the next surprise

But it won’t.


I thought the years held promise

But they don’t

I thought my dreams would fly

But they won’t

I thought that hopes and effort could give my visions life

I thought that recognition would reciprocally arrive

I thought the world would see me in my wonder if I tried

But it won’t.


Unfolding years resign me to the loss and dread and fear

Try again? Why try again?

To speak when no one hears

No spark, no lift

Each try falls flat, depleting precious stores

Hope recedes unyielding as failure takes its course


Do or don’t, whatever, it never was a choice.


I thought one day I’d matter 

But I don’t

I thought my works would gather

But they don’t

I thought I’d bring some clarity, and people would respond

I thought my tribe would find me and together we’d expand

I thought the world would strive for peace and I would take its hand

But we won’t.


Dread-dull resignation has replaced my faith in lies. 

(lyrics, can you hear the music? please share)