It's hard not to feel invisible

Invisible

Lonely Artist Whine

 Sometimes I panic with loneliness. 

I know, I'm surrounded with people. I run a cannabis store, so I see people all the time. I have a partner. I have two teenagers. They are my favourite people and if not for them, I might not see the point at all in anything. So who am I to be lonely?

But I am. I am a creative presence on Earth. I am full and brimming over with the need to create, with ideas and even some skill. I am fully primed but all alone. No one gets my work. No one cares about my work. No one encourages, supports, or collaborates. No one engages or gives ideas or helps or even takes the time to really look or read or notice. It's like an embarrassing mole everyone ignores, or a cute strangeness they pat me on the head for. But my work is deep and strong and important and undone. Over and over I try to shift this and over and over I find myself right back where I was. Alone. Panicking with the overwhelming aloneness. I long for creative partners, for someone, anyone, to stay with me awhile, work with me awhile, help me get better, help my work become fuller and produced and available, let me help them. Invest together. Take time and work together. Not just a moment, not just a quick feedback, not just an acknowledgement, though those things would also be better than nothing. But really actually work together on something we both care to see happen. 

Stay with me awhile. 

But no one stays. No one participates. No one actually cares.

So why do I? I don't know, but I do know it breaks my heart every day. 

My Drag Race Tribute Part 1

During the makeover challenges I often imagine who my drag persona would be if I were put in drag. I really believe I would be a completely different persona depending on who my drag mother was, what styling she chose. Here is an incomplete list of drag personas by drag mother as I have imagined them (and some Midjourney renderings for visual pleasure). 

Jinkx Monsoon, if you were my drag mother I would be Charm Barrage 

Imaginary Charm Barrage (Mother Jinkx)

Sapphira Cristal, if you were my drag mother I would be Azure Cristal

Azure Cristal

Tina Burner, if you were my drag mother I would be Gloria Blazing

Imaginary Gloria Blazing (Mother Tina)

Raja Gemini, if you were my drag mother I would be Sage Gemini

Imaginary Sage Gemini (Mother Raja)

Jada Essence Hall, if you were my drag mother I would be Luminessence Hall

Shangela, if you were my drag mother I would be Holly Loo

Willow Pill, if you were my drag mother I would be Aspenite

Imaginary Aspenite (Mother Willow)

Plane Jane, if you were my drag mother I would be Shadey Sherryl

Imaginary Shadey Sherryl (Mother Plane)

Trinity the Tuck, if you were my drag mother I would be Holy Holy Holy

Detox, if you were my drag mother I would be Rejuve

Morphine, if you were my drag mother I would be Meness

Imaginary Meness (Mother Morphine)

Shea Coulee, if you were my drag mother I would be Maple Coulee

Jorgeous, if you were my drag mother I would be Canna Queen

Farrah Moan, if you were my drag mother I would be Bea Moan

Imaginary Bea Moan (Mother Farrah)

Priyanka, if you were my drag mother I would be Sia Bia (see ya, WOULD wanna be ya!)

Sasha Velour, if you were my drag mother I would be Sweetie Velour

Dawn, if you were my drag mother I would be Whorizon

Imaginary Whorizon (Mother Dawn)

The Vivienne, if you were my drag mother I would be Vies.

Imaginary Vies (Mother Vivienne)

Plasma, if you were my drag mother I would be Placebo I.V.

Imaginary Placebo I.V. (Mother Plasma)

Q, if you were my drag mother I would be I

Imaginary I (Mother Q)

Jimbo, if you were my drag mother I would be Super Sillious

Imaginary Super Sillious (Mother Jimbo)

Pandora Boxx, if you were my drag mother I would be Clarity Bell

Imaginary Clarity Bell (Mother Pandora)

Shanelle, if you were my drag mother I would be Sherrelle

Nymphia Wind, if you were my drag mother I would be North Wind

Alyssa Edwards, if you were my drag mother I would be Praise Bea

Imaginary Praise Bea (Mother Alyssa)

Victoria Scone, if you were my drag mother I would be Freida Love

Imaginary Frieda Love (Mother Victoria Scone)

Crystal Methyd, if you were my drag mother I would be Whymsy Way

Imaginary Whymsy Way (Mother Crystal)

Yvie Oddly, if you were my drag mother I would by Ivy Evens

Trixie Mattel, if you were my drag mother I would be Charlatan Price

Gottmik, if you were my drag mother I would be Pretty Punch

Imaginary Pretty Punch (Mother Gottmik)

Eureka!, if you were my drag mother I would be Eunomia

Imaginary Eunomia (Mother Eureka!)

Monee Exchange, if you were my drag mother I would be Trade Chambers

Imaginary Trade Chambers (Mother Monee)

RuPaul, if you were my drag mother I would be Honey Do (she better don't!)

Imaginary Honey Do (Mother Ru)