Sunday, August 27, 2023


A perfect day as envisioned by Midjourney
and also my nightmare

I never re-read what I write. You know my aversion to backwards. 

But I imagine if you happen here unexpectedly
for no reason I can think of but Chance 
you might wonder at my wallowing
which makes sense, after all
this is where I wallow 
Wallow and push. Wallow and push. 
Like Labour, which taught me more than just how much pain I can take, like

anything is possible 
achievement comes at cost
with grief and loss and gain
everything ends 
but it's just a change of the same
pain comes in waves
relief demands sacrifice but commits to no promises 
just dangled potential that glimmers in and out of focus.
dignity is impossible.
having literally no choice is the best driver when 
what I am doesn't cut it and
who I expected is still a stone's throw away
but now is happening today and everything is nothing
like I thought and I couldn't have guessed what I would do
until it's done. And that's what I did. 

Here is where I bite and tear and chew and swallow and expel
leaving behind
the breadcrumbs and excrement of my cored self
in case they are ever helpful for you. 

Listen to Happy Rhodes. Here's a familiar song to get you started: https://youtu.be/WoNGpa9tJkg?si=azfqeWSjVT4nhV1n