Friday, June 28, 2019

Belonging, again

Wield (flipped and mirrored) (CAI)
Belonging. Again.

This is the one I resist the hardest, the one that my instincts reject. So it just takes longer. It's like my son, fighting with us for 3 hours in circles and wasting the very time he's trying to save.

There is a big part of me willing to choose acceptance over reaching. Accept that this is the best I could do, and sink into the rest of the time I'm here basking in the glow of the space I've created. Not take it on.

But that's an illusion. Reality requires constant upkeep, costs that can't be ignored. Paying for a life consumes a life, leaving only scraps for basking. The work is the life. The life is the work.

I am the mirror, the morph. It takes me on, activates my programming, the parts that are already there, amplified through feedback. The place in the system; it's not you so it's me. Could be him or her. Another moment and it will be. Today it's me. I get this part to play. I don't feel up to it.

I pull in on myself, a bud meeting frost when reaching for the sun.

Belonging is my last lesson. Maybe I'm stretching it out on purpose.

(Listen to Happy Rhodes say everything better than I could ever https://youtu.be/Dn3LOFVH4Ks)