Tender

Tender

Friday, December 3, 2010

What leads up to a moment (or Choice) (#reverb10 Day 3)

Today's #reverb10 prompt: Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors)

Going hard on the eliptical trainer, in synch with the music, eyes closed. Heart racing, breathing heavy, my mind zones into the waves and flow of sound. As I let myself move more into universal space, I notice that my body operates flawlessly without explicit commands. 

I feel, in this moment, that I could leave my body behind, move more deeply into the flow, just abandon this ship and get lost in the universal and it would be joy, joy, joy. I sense an offering of choice and know that in this moment, my heart could stop beating and I would be free...but my mind grasps for something. 
Something missing. 

(still my legs pump beneath me, still my body moves and breathes. still the music drives me onward)

Ah, let go the game, my dear. 

But there is something...my being here matters. My Me-ness needs matter to matter. This impossible unknown that I am experiencing every moment matters. I am somehow sworn on my righteous, if undefined, path. 

And I want to see how things turn out, for as long as I can. I want to affect how things turn out.

So again, today, I choose to exist here, now. 

I slowly disengage from the universal and re-take control of my body. My pace perfection falters a little but I compensate, and engage my muscles for a different stance. It feels good to stretch and challenge myself. I open my eyes and look around at the warm, safe room full of evidence that happy children play here. I reach for my water bottle, and as that cool lifeforce enters my mouth I almost gasp for joy. 

I feel alive. 



7 comments:

  1. "I want to affect how things turn out." "I choose to exist here, now." it's just hard to know which sentences reach out and grab me more. and let me tell you what: your being here affects my life. yes, it does. so glad we met, lew-ease.

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  2. great! working out is definitely a feeling of aliveness. loved how you described it and beautifully written. i find that there's a balance between the spiritual world and 'human' world. you can't get too lost in either one!

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  3. Someday, I will feel alive when I exercise. Someday, I will make the choice to resent the moments I spend exerting energy in my body. My choice to exist, someday, will be freely given. You inspire :)

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  4. Thank you, Jeanne - I love learning with you.

    Ah, Janet - balance. I've given up on balance, I just try to keep the pendulum swinging ;-) Of course you're right.

    C, I hope you do. In the meantime, you are the mom who woke up your son to see a meteor shower.

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  5. perfect. and i miss that feeling, i haven't run in far too long. this was a fabulous description of an in the now moment.

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  6. lovely. my heart began to beat faster reading your breathing words. thank you.

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  7. Thanks, Thelma - do you feel the longing to run?

    Yolanda - what a beautiful thing to say! Thank you.

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