Gash

A gash in the sky

The wound of belonging
knicked open clumsily

gashed open suddenly

a gift reversed, transaction gone wrong

then the burst

head roaring outrage chest fire lava bubbles skin hot stomach

punch

knife pierce right through the eyes

I sigh

because here it is again

not overcome, not won against

not vanquished 

not gone, just scabbed over

raw red, throbbing, vulnerable, waiting 

to be ripped open

and I wanted to be zenner than that. 

Frozen in place (lyrics, can you hear a tune?)

Frozen in Place (CAI2020)

I thought that I would matter 

But I don’t

I thought my words would gather

But they don’t

I thought I’d be important, a person who decides

I thought that people would be drawn to the truths I’d write

I thought my life would keep unfolding with the next surprise

But it won’t.

I thought the years held promise

But they don’t

I thought my dreams would fly

But they won’t

I thought that hopes and effort could give my visions life

I thought that recognition would reciprocally arrive

I thought the world would see me in my wonder if I tried

But it won’t.

Unfolding years resign me to the loss and dread and fear

Try again? Why try again?

To speak when no one hears

No spark, no lift

Each try falls flat, depleting precious stores

Hope recedes unyielding as failure takes its course

Do or don’t, whatever, it never was a choice.

I thought one day I’d matter 

But I don’t

I thought my works would gather

But they don’t

I thought I’d bring some clarity, and people would respond

I thought my tribe would find me and together we’d expand

I thought the world would strive for peace and I would take its hand

But we won’t.

Dread-dull resignation has replaced my faith in lies. 

(lyrics, can you hear the music? please share)