Tender

Tender

Saturday, June 19, 2010

There are no wrong questions, only layers

(I don't have time to edit this right now)

I’m humbled to be here in the perfect life for me, grateful for the repose in a fantasy world of domestic and life bliss. So, I feel bad about resenting the intrusion of other people’s suffering on my respite. I want to enjoy this life, breathe the air, contribute to human knowledge by puttering away at problems that interest me while living my life, my beautiful life that I love and is heaven on earth. I did everything I needed to and built that life, and now the abject suffering of others keeps getting in the way of enjoying it.

Isn’t that what taxes are for? What is wrong with the governments. I pay increasing amounts, and they do less and less about the biggest drain on, not only our economic systems, but the purpose of human life. I don’t know what that purpose is, but I feel very certain that every consciousness moving towards knowing and loving each other can only be a helpful direction. Anything else looks like destruction to me.

The more people have of what they really want, the more space they find for caring about other people. But it’s on a downscaled ratio that only each of us understands. If I have enough money to solve medium-big problems in my life, I’m going to use the slack that buys to do something. Some of that something will be enjoying life, and some of that something will be contributing to the purpose of humanity. Whatever that is.

So I think it’s important that I examine my perception of “security.” All my life I have defined security by judging how big a problem I can easily solve if it comes up. I want  minimal disruption to my enjoyment of life/ability to keep living it, so how equipped am I to handle what I think might be coming? Can I easily incorporate extra costs like a car repair, a meal at a restaurant, a hair cut at a salon, that toy he really wants? If so, I can start to look around and think – okay, now how can I contribute more?

But no, we don’t usually do that, do we? We look for more to consume, more media, more information. Curious, isn’t it? Why do we do that? What drives us?

I thought that “how big a problem can I solve,” which is really, “how much money do I have,” was the question. I realized it was masking another question that was harder to grapple with: what could happen that I could survive and still choose light over darkness? How strong am I of character? When I ask that question instead, I know my fear for what it is.  I am weak. I want comfort. I love my life.

Protecting what we love about our lives makes us fierce. Of course it does. So we ask, “how much money do I need?” It is a masking question. It can consume lives, loves, relationships, resources, until we miss the point entirely and blow the whole thing up. Can we ask instead, how can I best love in this moment? I will spend this lifetime training for that one.

Do you understand what I am saying? Can you tell me what this means to you?

3 comments:

  1. I think I understand. I think what I am hearing is "How far to the breaking point can I be pushed to... and not break?" And this something I have always been curious about, because some people break easier than others. Some have that survival instinct more so than others. I'm not talking about who can withstand the elements better than others. I'm talking about surviving the hell individuals can impose upon others. The truth is, I don't know. What I do know is this: There are some of us who have the sheer love of Light and Truth, love of humanity, to do it. To not only survive but to also share it all with others. Why? Because we also have hope.

    Sure, when Pandora's box was opened, all the despair was liberated. But at the bottom of the box was Hope. And that's why those of us who have been taken to edge of the breaking point don't break. Because we were there to see Hope released and chase after all the darkness. That's how we are able to love the moments.

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  2. I understand exactly. Exactly. I have learned this myself in just the past few years. You can be happy wherever you are, whatever your circumstance, you can be safe or content and you can give back even if you have hat appears to be nothing. It comes from within, not without, this security. It isn't about taxes or finances or things, although those things can make life easier. But take them all away. And then be the person you want to be. And if you have both, if you can do both, you are there.

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  3. Thank you both for your thoughtful comments. I'll be thinking about them.

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