A tweeted comment to my last blog post caught my attention:
RT @NerdyGurlBlog : @csmith2471 @MrsWhich Whoa! Couldn't even process all that. Way too much thinking going on. Life should be simple. Mind should b @ peace.
The shoulds set me off, I'll admit it. Too much thinking for what? Why should life be simple? The mind should be at peace? That I don't buy. How can any mind be peaceful all the time? How can any mind stay peaceful knowing the atrocities and hatred that still permeate this world? What call to action is there in a peaceful mind?
Oooh, @NerdyGurlBlog, you hit a nerve! Great, now I have to think about it.
I mean, thank you for the learning opportunity.
For years, I accepted the idea of seeking a quiet mind as the ideal, and judged myself lacking because I have a crazy, overactive, always-on-the-go, multi-tasking processor for a brain. But I didn't understand the concept beyond a surface level. I thought it was about my mind.
For me, I need to focus on wholeness of mind, body and spirit, not subjugating the mind or body, but working with them. On the rare occasions that I achieve wholeness, the experience is not peaceful. It is sometimes energizing, sometimes devastating, sometimes comforting, always highly charged and stimulating. The brief peace that envelops me after a few moments of absolute wholeness is not the point. I seek the core strength and knowing of my own insignificance and absolute power, which strengthens me and helps me find balance in my day-to-day life.
Perhaps at a later stage in my development I will come to further understand how a peaceful mind and a fundamental drive to better the world can come together, and how to achieve it every day despite the fact that the world itself provides few incentives for peace. How simplicity and peace can exist in me while faltering in the world. I have a long way to go before I get there.
I am not ashamed. It took me this long to get to here. So be it. I can only work forward and process, process, process, working with how I'm built and how I'm wired to learn and grow and understand to the full capacity of my limited bodily structures and unlimited spiritual potential. It's a life work. Daunting, but my challenge to myself.
But I think there is still part of me that is ashamed that I'm not further by now, and that's what got triggered today.
Thank you, @NerdyGurlBlog, for the learning opportunity.
Musical accompaniment by Badly Drawn Boy: