Breaking the glass

Breakpoint (2025)

(a somewhat less moving meditation)

Today I'm made of shards sharp splinters prickles thorns fangs car alarms acid rain your disdain my rancid shame brittle blame. Yeah yeah the same old shit. Get over it. Shake rinse off rise above be zen. Get on old mule lap dog hag hen chicken and egg, it's time you learned not to whine and beg when hard work comes your way. It's time to get in the day and get on and be done next ones want attention you can't just ignore them the debts and intentions awaiting denying inheritance garners no favor among chance or fate. The watchers wait and wager wonder waver wave their wands and change her fate did we wait too long? for denial strongly belies what was always in store before we meddled and now only time will tell perfect timing from late. Have you decided? What do you make bake into every step stroke take where does self form the bait swallowed switched at birth? What is it worth to your soul love child where dignity has sailed beyond reaching's last gasp? Will you grasp clasping closed heart gate just in time or a second too late?

Back again

Care (CAI 2023-2025 in progress)

 (a moving meditation)

No one asks if I'm okay

as if they care to know; they don't

they know; 

it's easier this way, I'm so willing to say

I'm fine

any fine print can be ignored

I can continue to play my part

be the metamorph, the thing you need, no strings

tool vessel portal role

wholly for you

no care for me required;

how I'm wired leaves me vulnerable; I depend on others

for touch, for exchange, for love

and I say I'd rather be alone than loved less than I deserve but I return, 

over and over

because 

I'll die alone

isolation's cruel abuse

and if I can't be loved exactly, I can earn my way around

be of use

the work is the work, if nothing else after all

not every quest lifts every curse 

we well know care cannot be coerced 

only found

I have my ways I clear the days I move and keen expel and moan and groan and feel and reel around on the ground alone muscle blood bone a spirit alone in a body on earth among bodies unlike me so like me unlike me tapping deeper and through, not out, not through you but through me, like a tree, like the roots going down I am one I am wonder I live here and now I am precious and whole and full and entire I can face this again walk through fire I can and I do and I will and I am.

back again.

ready to face what I need to be

to be allowed to be around

and do the work, in service of the work, the work being the work after all and all ways

and any way

timing is everything.