(Open Letter) to Joan Cusack

 Thank you for being a touchstone at every point in my life. You appear in more of my favourite movies than any other actor. You consistently choose films and characters that offer insight and range; you are completely your characters and completely yourself. You work with your brother which leads me to think you have genuine affection, which warms my heart and gives me hope. You seem like a person who cares deeply and also doesn't give two fucks, which attracts me like honey. I would know your voice anywhere, I pick it out all the time, and it's like a little gift, a reminder that you're out there, in the world, existing and creating beauty and curiosity around you just by existing, every time you unexpectedly show up. I even kind of remember you in movies that you weren't in, but should have been. I can reimagine every movie I've ever seen, and every movie I ever will see, with you in it. You always belong. I love that you're real. 

Misted

Sometimes I catch the mirror

or it catches me; I stop

arrested by the sight of me, my beauty

a surprise

always a surprise to see.

I face me, head on

eye to eye

clear blue shining life crinkles warm with love for me

and I wonder: can anyone else see what I see? 

or is this beauty just for me?

hidden in plain sight, a missed surprise

a mist between my beauty and their eyes.  

(it's no coincidence that mist and missed are the same word)

An Open Letter to Catherine Keener

 A Wind in the Door (CAI)

Dear Ms. Keener,

Do you realize that you may be the coolest person alive?

with warm regards,

CAI

 

Doing anything is hard

Horizon (CAI 2021)

Doing anything is hard

like

anything at all.

When anyone does anything

like

anyone at all

they should be honoured

proud

we should celebrate that something

anything at all

actually

got 

done

when

we 

make 

it

so

hard

to 

do

anything

at

all.

Divvying up the pie (last slice)

The entire world economy is currently worth $87.55 trillion dollars. There are only 87.5 trillions in our entire world economy. Please note: 

Jeff Bezos is the richest man in the world with a net worth of $107.1 billion. will be the first billionaire to become a trillionaire in 2026 at the age of 62. 

Xu Jiayin will be the second billionaire to turn a trillionaire in 2027 at the age of 68. 

Jack Ma, will be the third man to hit one trillion Dollars net worth in 2030, at the age of 65. 

Ma Huateng, also known as the Pony Ma, will become a trillionaire by the time he’s 61 years old in 2033. 

Mukesh Ambani, is expected to hit one trillion by 2033 by which time he will be 75 years old. 

Bernard Arnault will probably become a trillionaire by 2032 at 84 years old. 

Mark Zuckerberg will be the youngest person to make a trillion at the age of 51 years in 2036. 

Steve Ballmer, former CEO of Microsoft, is also set to hit a trillion in 2040 when he will be 83 years old. 

Michael Dell will have made his first trillion by 2043 by when he will be 78 years old. 

Larry Page and Sergey Brin are both set to hit $1 trillion by 2051 at the age of 77 years.

That's 11. Of 87.5. Owned by 11 guys in our lifetime. In their lifetime. And forever after tied in inheritance, never again part of the world economy the rest of us share. We're down to the last pass on the Monopoly Board and there are only about a dozen people on Earth who will win if we keep letting the systems run us. 

(source: Business Insider India, October 3, 2019, "Here’s how long it will take the world’s richest billionaires to become trillionaires.")

Disposable

Unfinished & Tangled: A self portrait (CAI 2020)

I am not disposable. 

But maybe I am. I guess I am.

I haven't earned the right to know where I stand

to trust where I stand

I haven't earned the true esteem of a friend

When people look at me they see

what? not much. Not much here to see, to be

If I try to share what's here, I impose

If I don't, I withhold

and it's not very interesting, anyway

Never enough, always too much

Alone, in the end, 

alone again

even among friends

still 

alone. 

Crow's taunt

(strange bird created by CD Good)

On our first day here, we saw a fox

large and orange and confident, trotting, just off 

in the distance, and I thought, 

we are closer to nature

we will have to watch the pets, I thought

but in the silence since

no animal has crossed my line of sight

all is quiet, day and night

save one, rare crow who sometimes shows his wings

flying off, he sings a croaking taunt my way 

saying, see, you are alone

even here

you are alone

Hope can be too demanding

 

Long View

I understand that hope can ask too much

how comforting to sink back, let the rush

float away, spend the days

not caring

I see 

I see it's not just easier; sometimes it saves your life

to forget to try, just wait to die

confine yourself to basics.

When effort falls flat what inspires more effort?

When trying draws judgement but not support, when doing sucks dry your precious stores

When experience tells us the prize will cost more

than it's worth

Abandoning hope can be a warm blanket safe haven 

a kind of birth

Free, finally, from the strain of striving suck me dry try try try

treadmill hamster-wheel life of strife hanging on by broken nails

the carrot always miles 

away

I see why, today, you might decide despair is a better friend

and in the end

I can't dissuade you, even though I see 

I see

there's something always lost in translation

I can't shake your ambition free; it's hard enough to do it

for me.

But I implore you,

Do. And I will too.

Gash

A gash in the sky

The wound of belonging
knicked open clumsily

gashed open suddenly

a gift reversed, transaction gone wrong

then the burst

head roaring outrage chest fire lava bubbles skin hot stomach

punch

knife pierce right through the eyes

I sigh

because here it is again

not overcome, not won against

not vanquished 

not gone, just scabbed over

raw red, throbbing, vulnerable, waiting 

to be ripped open

and I wanted to be zenner than that.