Tender

Tender

Monday, August 27, 2012

Fearsome




I am a fearsome creature.

You may respond: oh, no, you’re not fearsome! and you will probably think you are reassuring me.

I am fearsome. I’m not unhappy about it. I am heartbroken that you’re afraid of me.

(which makes me turn my eyes away before I have to see it)

You may respond: well, yes, sometimes you’re fearsome, but you’re amazing in other ways! and you will probably think you are reassuring me.

I am fearsome. I’m not ashamed. You value what I bring in my contained smallness despite my inability to always hide my bigness. That is love in part. Thank you for it.

You may respond: but I see how hard you try, you’re getting better! and you will probably think you are reassuring me.

I’m not trying to fix it. All the time and energy I expend mitigating my overwhelmingness is for your benefit. I find it distracting and draining. 

I would rather spin my glory with loud voice and unmistakable force than get better at stepping daintily between the lines. I would rather be wind fire magnetic power if I trusted you to handle me, massive me, clumsy me, dark burning me, bright glowing me as I show up when I don’t protect you from me.

You can stand rock-strong amidst my gusts. You can bask lion-lazy in my shine. You can ride hawk-joyful on my roiling currents. I can be rock and lion and hawk for your weather. We can dance with love when we trust each other’s strength. When we trust our own.

I am fearsome and I am strong. I mean you no harm and I want no protection from you. I can protect myself. Can you?

4 comments:

  1. only on a good day am I fearsome..
    more like a sleeping dragon.. I look resting..
    ~laughing~
    this as always was wonderful...

    ReplyDelete
  2. it's been a while since you left some light for us here..
    Hope you are taking good care,and being fearsome
    for you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks for checking in - I didn't think anyone noticed my taper-off. It's hard to stay motivated to take the time to share, because it feels so much like whistling in the wind.

    ReplyDelete

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